Heartbroken

It's been a hard week for me. You see, yesterday my family buried my baby cousin Jeffrey. Words can't even begin to describe how this felt. I've never felt such a range of emotions at one time. Anger, love, sadness, guilt, humor, loneliness. I could go on and on. He was only 19 years old. Barely a year out of high school, had his whole life ahead of him. And he's gone. Just like that. I'm really bothered that I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I'm wondering if he knew how much he was loved and thought of. But then I realize that he did.
His funeral was tough, but it was amazing. I was awed by the people who turned out to say that he had touched their lives. He impacted so many people in such a short amount of time. His family knew how special he was. We knew what a good person, respectful, strong, funny, loving kid he was. But it was amazing to hear strangers say the same thing. It was comforting. Jeff survived a lot of tough times, but he never let it him get it down. I've always been so proud of him and his accomplishments.
And now I'm left with tons of good memories of that smiling big ol' bear. I'm remembering how he drove me crazy when he was little wanting to hear "Indian Outlaw" over and over, and my grandma played it cause that was what Jeff wanted. I'm remembering more recently him running and playing with my son Mason. And Mason shrieking "Jeff-eee" and laughing and hiding from him. I'm remembering my birthday party and laughing so hard at him telling us about his "out-of-body experience." I'm remembering fishing with him. I'm remembering loving him.
I'd give anything to have him here to make more memories with.
I wonder if anybody noticed the weather yesterday as we walked into the high school auditorium. All of the sudden the wind picked up and the clouds got dark. And everyone was kind of getting scared because there was talk of a tornado. But oddly enough I was comforted. I told my family it was just Jeff letting us know he was still here. And he is. He's still here in my heart and everyone else's. We were blessed to be touched by this young man for the short time he was here. And we will never forget him.
Rest in Peace, Jeffrey Morris Taylor. I love you.